After logging in after almost a year later that I never posted this. And I want it in here to remind myself of just how much I can conquer. Just how much I can get through without officially breaking. Coming close? Many times. But still haven't broken yet. You still got this girl. I realized, that I've decided that I'm not going to focus on the end goal. Will I keep it in sight? Yes. But what I want to focus on is the how. How am I going to get to my end goal. And to do that I need to get better at listening. Listening to those soft promptings that guide me in so many different directions that lead to avenues that will route and sometimes reroute me to my end goal.
I've got so much on my plate right now. Noah and I spent all day Sunday at the hospital due to his reactive airway disease and this one was a doozy. Not even sure I spelled that correctly but it's 10:30 at night. Enough said. And between the continuous breathing treatment, finger pokes (they're concerned he's developing diabetes), A1C test that consisted of a blood draw (with what they claimed to be a luxury item that really wasn't at all. It was really just a super loud and scary numbing contraption that pierces the skin after this frightening and startling spaceship noise. Which since I'm on a tangent. I mean if you're going to pierce the skin only once, why not do it via the more quiet and common way. The way that my son has already had experience doing and succeeded at without a peep. I told them he would be fine with just the blood draw, but oh no. I'm the worst mom in the world if I don't opt for the luxury item. I will not be going back to Banner. Ever. That was just a way to make extra money on a procedure or "added extra" that further traumatized my son. Ugh. And people wonder why I avoid doctors as of late. And now the hospital Endocrinologist trying to scare me into thinking my son has diabetes, I've really forced myself to take the time to re evaluate life right now. To rethink how I'm going about all of this craziness. Noah's PCP isn't concerned at all with his 5.7 A1C test, because he's been on Prednisolone a few times, as well as albuterol breathing treatments for the past few months off and on, and then to add the continuous treatment at the hospital which is a high dose of Prednisolone, well all of this alters the A1C results and causes the pancreas to be temporarily insulin resistance. It's called steroid-induced diabetes and mimics the symptoms of it. So I finally felt a moment of relief today. But then when I called to cancel his Endo appointment for Friday, they took 20 minutes trying to sell me the idea of coming to his appointment on Friday just to hear them out. Okay. I took the bait. I'll go. I've got a niece who's Type 1 Diabetic so I'm not so naive that I'll ignore it completely because I know it can go from one to 60 super quick. But you better believe I will not be bullied into doing any testing I don't feel is necessary and that they will know just how unhappy I am with their services at the hospital. But I could go on and on about that. Point is, with all of this going on lately and having to find another nanny (that will be a completely different post) I've been stressed that I won't meet my end goal. But my sister and hubby reminded me that I need to focus on the how. So here I am. Listening. Being still. Allowing myself to feel peace and working on having faith that all WILL be well.
So yeah. I've been focusing on the how. I've been mentally attracting how I want to go about all of this and it's working. The mind is so powerful.
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