I remember all those years ago, when I would listen intently to a new mother explain her worries and concerns of leaving her child at daycare or with a nanny, while she went back to work. Although I felt compassion towards her, I never quite understood the apprehension of simply going to work. I couldn't understand how or why there was even reason to worry. Until now. Because when it's your own child, no one will ever love your child the way you do, or as much as you do. It's just that simple. And to expect anyone else to parent your child the same way you do, is asking the impossible. Only I, have spent the last 1,096 days with Noah, wearing his snot on my shirt, kissing owies better, playing peekaboo, bathing, feeding, clothing, providing, nurturing and loving him with every ounce of me. I don't even split the time with my ex. It's all me. And I have loved it. Obviously there have been many days that were so hard, it left me feeling more than inadequate and wondering if I was capable of being a good mom. But there were so many more days full of silly giggles, big hugs, scooter rides, and I love you's, that now that I have to go back to work, I wish I could have just a little more time. I wish I could get a do-over for all the hard days and make them perfect. I know. That's impossible. And I'm being overly hard on myself. We all are aren't we?
So here I am now voicing the same concerns as that sweet new mother all those years ago. I feel the heartache that comes with knowing that the transition may be hard on him, and most likely harder on me. The heartache that comes from knowing that I won't always be the one to kiss his owies better or talk him through a hard situation. I won't always be the one that holds him under his arms while he goes to the bathroom because going number two still frightens him or give him high fives when he tackles another milestone. I won't always be the one, but I still sometimes get to be the one. And I'm so grateful for that even if it's not as often as I'm used to. As I've been preparing for tomorrow, the big day, I've been reminding myself that even though I won't get as much time with him as I'm used to, I will be the one that will provide. I will be the one who always puts clothes on his back, food in his belly and a roof over his head. I will always be the one who provides a safe haven away from the chaotic world, shoes on his feet and a warm bed to rest his weary head. I will always be the one that gives him what he needs, even on days that I share the hugs and high fives. And that is far more important than anything else I can think of.
So I'd like to say to all of you moms and dads out there who struggle with this transition of being at home with your little ones, to working outside of the home. Please know that you are doing right by your kids. You are providing. You are doing the great work of the Lord. And yes it's hard. It's probably the hardest job on this earth, but you are doing an AMAZING job. You are pushing forward and doing what needs to be done. You haven't given up and that speaks volume. The next time you hear about a milestone that has been reached that you didn't get the chance to witness, know that someone DID. Know that your child has someone to witness their greatness at ALL times. Know that you have provided a safe and loving alternative to ensure that your child GETS to reach the next milestone. Know that you are ENOUGH. And whatever you can't handle, the Lord will cover the rest. Just keep being the amazing parents you are, and everything will be okay. Our kids will be okay. We've got this.
Also, there's always chocolate. I mean chocolate makes everything better.
Cheers.
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