Apprehension and chocolate.

I remember all those years ago, when I would listen intently to a new mother explain her worries and concerns of leaving her child at daycare or with a nanny, while she went back to work. Although I felt compassion towards her, I never quite understood the apprehension of simply going to work. I couldn't understand how or why there was even reason to worry. Until now. Because when it's your own child, no one will ever love your child the way you do, or as much as you do. It's just that simple. And to expect anyone else to parent your child the same way you do, is asking the impossible. Only I, have spent the last 1,096 days with Noah, wearing his snot on my shirt, kissing owies better, playing peekaboo, bathing, feeding, clothing, providing, nurturing and loving him with every ounce of me. I don't even split the time with my ex. It's all me. And I have loved it. Obviously there have been many days that were so hard, it left me feeling more than inadequate and wondering if I was capable of being a good mom. But there were so many more days full of silly giggles, big hugs, scooter rides, and I love you's, that now that I have to go back to work, I wish I could have just a little more time. I wish I could get a do-over for all the hard days and make them perfect. I know. That's impossible. And I'm being overly hard on myself. We all are aren't we?

So here I am now voicing the same concerns as that sweet new mother all those years ago. I feel the heartache that comes with knowing that the transition may be hard on him, and most likely harder on me. The heartache that comes from knowing that I won't always be the one to kiss his owies better or talk him through a hard situation. I won't always be the one that holds him under his arms while he goes to the bathroom because going number two still frightens him or give him high fives when he tackles another milestone. I won't always be the one, but I still sometimes get to be the one. And I'm so grateful for that even if it's not as often as I'm used to. As I've been preparing for tomorrow, the big day, I've been reminding myself that even though I won't get as much time with him as I'm used to, I will be the one that will provide. I will be the one who always puts clothes on his back, food in his belly and a roof over his head. I will always be the one who provides a safe haven away from the chaotic world, shoes on his feet and a warm bed to rest his weary head. I will always be the one that gives him what he needs, even on days that I share the hugs and high fives. And that is far more important than anything else I can think of.

So I'd like to say to all of you moms and dads out there who struggle with this transition of being at home with your little ones, to working outside of the home. Please know that you are doing right by your kids. You are providing. You are doing the great work of the Lord. And yes it's hard. It's probably the hardest job on this earth, but you are doing an AMAZING job. You are pushing forward and doing what needs to be done. You haven't given up and that speaks volume. The next time you hear about a milestone that has been reached that you didn't get the chance to witness, know that someone DID. Know that your child has someone to witness their greatness at ALL times. Know that you have provided a safe and loving alternative to ensure that your child GETS to reach the next milestone. Know that you are ENOUGH. And whatever you can't handle, the Lord will cover the rest. Just keep being the amazing parents you are, and everything will be okay. Our kids will be okay. We've got this.

Also, there's always chocolate. I mean chocolate makes everything better.

Cheers.

Whatever it takes

So for the past three years, I've done whatever it took to be able to stay home with Noah. It hasn't been easy to say the least and I've sacrificed more than I ever thought I would. But that's the beauty of parenthood. It humbles you and turns a selfish me-monster into a selfless mother. I'm so grateful to have had the support and love from family and friends that helped make these past three years possible and most importantly grateful for the time I was able to be home with Noah. 

As a new chapter unfolds, I will once again be doing whatever it takes in order to better our lives, to provide. I'll be working a second job beginning the 20th of this month (and a third shortly thereafter, which I'm super excited about and will post about soon 😉). I've been blessed with the opportunity to work at European Wax Center at San Tan Village and am flooded with mixed emotions. I'm sad to leave my baby for 6.5 hours a day (I honestly have moments where I ball just thinking about leaving him) but grateful and excited to be earning extra money doing what I love, that will result in us getting our own place, a more reliable car, quality vacations and the list goes on. I honestly have to give props to all the mamas who work hard every day both in and out of the home and sacrifice so much every day to make sure their kids have what they need and want. It's hard work. And that's an understatement. But I'm grateful to be surrounded by so many hardworking moms that inspire me to keep going, to do hard things. You're all amazing and doing a wonderful job! 💗

So by March I'll be wearing many hats. I'll still be doing lashes from home, working at EWC, singing when I get the chance (it never feels like work for me) and the third job. And who knows. Maybe I'll end up on The Voice and not need to work the three jobs. 😀 But that's just it. I don't know what the future holds for me and my little angel. But I do know that if I work hard and keep an open mind and heart, that all will be well. Life is about to get real interesting! Thankfully, motherhood has taught me how to multitask and accept chaos in all of its glory. 

So going forward I ask for prayers, positive vibes and any tips/tricks/suggestions as I make the transition from a full-time stay at home mom to a part-time stay at home/out of the home mommy. 

Here's to a better future! 💗🙋🏻

#whateverittakes #motherhood