I don't even know where to begin today. I just feel lost. Do you ever feel that way? Like you've got a million plates you're balancing carefully on this tiny ace stick? And all the plates are spinning? You know what visual I'm talking about right? Yeah that one. That's me today. And for the life of me I can't get any one of these "plates" to generate any revenue, or get me any closer to where I want to be in life. Maybe I need to get rid of some of these plates. Maybe I need to switch to bowls. Maybe I shouldn't be balancing at all.
I mean do I just stick to one thing? Pick one avenue and risk everything to make that one work? Maybe my time isn't efficiently spent or making any changes because it's split up between so many projects. What project then do I pick? Or do I throw in the towel on everything and just get a 9-5 job that doesn't pay enough and will keep me right where I am for years to come? No progress or growth, just stagnancy. Ugh. Just the sound of that word makes me want to throw up. I'm meant for more. I have to be. Otherwise, this life, well I don't know. But it isn't at all what I thought it would be when I was little.
Maybe the problem is that I'm just mediocre at everything I do and not amazing at one thing. Maybe I need to perfect one talent or skill and work on becoming the best at that. Problem is when you're struggling to begin with, you aren't left with many options to "start" or get anything "going" because in real life, it takes money to make money. Also, it takes a level of bravery I'm currently lacking. I'm scared of everything right now because I have so little. You'd think I have nothing to lose, but I do. I have my precious son who's counting on me. So I can't fail. I can't.
Eh. I'm done whining. Won't change anything.
Gonna go take one of these blasted plates down, put a couple no bake cookies on 'em and stuff my face. That'll fix everything.
-M
