It's been way too long since I last posted, but let me tell you the journey thus far has been incredible and incredibly hard. You know, during my pregnancy I can't count the number of times that people told me it would be really hard but so worth it. To all those who blessed me with such wisdom, I thank you, for you hit it spot on. It is the hardest thing I've experienced thus far. I had no idea how hard it would be, but it is definitely worth it. I can't believe how fast time flies (feel free to plug in any cliche you'd like or feel appropriate because I swear they all fit:)) Noah is almost 5 months now and I have had the wonderful opportunity of experiencing his first fever (due to the lovely controversial vaccinations-and no I don't wish to argue either side), first hair cut, cradle cap, food sensitivities, penile adhesions, eczema, diaper rashes, allergic reaction (to what I still have no idea), first coos, first laugh, becoming mobile enough to scoot from one end of the crib to the other and get upset when his head hits the slats and now he has found his toes...among other things. ;} How do we as parents capture all of these moments? How do we make sure that we don't miss a thing? We don't. Period. I swear whenever he does something for the first time, I never have my phone handy or when I do, he stops the minute I turn on the camera. I know that I've got them all stored ever so safely away in my brain, but let's be honest. This brain isn't exactly reliable these days. The whole "baby brain" thing doesn't go away once you've given birth. It actually gets worse. Noah isn't quite "sleeping through the night" yet (I hear that it's normal for exclusively breastfed babies and that it's also unheard of....let's make up our minds people), so I am constantly walking the earth half asleep. But rest assured he is getting plenty to eat and more than enough love. This little angel of mine is the best part of me and the reason I live. Ok, now I get to eat my words. Anyone who knew me pre-Noah, knows that I was selfish and thought every parent out there hadn't a clue how to parent, no offense. I judged everyone and everything. I swore I knew the best solution for every child. Feel free to metaphorically punch me in the face right now. But listen, I was dumb, naive and well, not a parent so please forgive my foolishness. I totally get it now. I have officially moved from the judgement seat to the rocking chair. And you know what? It's much more comfortable...and wiser here. Buying diapers at Costco because 1, they're cheaper, and 2, they're cheaper is just smarter. Buying the chemical-free, chlorine-free, paraben-free, and everything else-free diapers are absolutely wonderful, they are, but I have to wait for them to ship when I have forgotten to order more because of the baby brain that never went away and oh yeah, they're more expensive. And Noah has had a diaper rash with the "fancy-free" diapers as well as the Costco diapers because apparently my milk is too acidic. Go ahead and add that to the list of wonderfuls. The whole "don't hold your baby all the time or you're going to create a monster that will NEVER let you put him down" thing is also true. I am that mom. And as much as I can sit here and say that I will never get these years back and I absolutely love holding him all day and night, I have come to realize that needing breaks is REAL and as strong as I thought I was, I'm not. My arms burn, my back aches, I'm always starving because I forget to eat (insert baby brain epidemic here) so yes, there are many times during the day that my little monster makes it hard for me to have "me time". And yes, I created that adorable little monster so guess what, I'm dealing with it while I eat a big bowl of humility every day. Oh and speaking of eating, the whole vegan thing? Out the window. Right after I gave birth I wanted nothing else but a big burger and some fries. And I felt absolutely no shame whatsoever. After four months of not being able to keep the food down that I so desperately hated, I savored every moment of that delicious burger. Since then I still eat meat but try to keep it to a minimum. Veggies are limited as well since my little Noah is sensitive to most of them...oh and fruit too which in turn this carnivorous diet has made me just as sick as when I was pregnant. I'm not sure how he has packed on the weight, but I'm not complaining. You see, I have had opportunity after opportunity to humble myself and I am grateful for each one. I get now that every parent does what works for them and that's OK. I get that there is no "cookie-cutter" way to raise a child. I get that secretly inhaling a drumstick at 11:00 at night is so worth the extra pounds because those few moments of chocolate and vanilla bliss are what make the next 9 hours of feeding every 2-3 hours possible. I understand now that poop DOES get everywhere no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Patience may as well be a cuss word for I avoid it like the plague. Once you say it out loud you better count on having an opportunity to LEARN patience. It doesn't just come with the beauties of motherhood. Notice I said beauties. Let's take a second and discuss what THAT word means now. It means no polish on the toes, hair up in a bun six days a week, teeth not brushed some days until 2:00pm (don't judge me, I know I'm not the only one who forgets [bb epidemic]), face washed every other day even though pre-pregnancy I scolded many on how wrong and disgusting that was, pajamas that aren't just for sleeping they're for all day wearing because changing every time Noah soaks my shirts with spit-up is just crazy, showers whenever I don't have a million other things to do during nap time and don't even get me started on how often these legs may or may not get shaved. The list goes on. Life has changed drastically since Noah arrived. I have changed drastically since Noah arrived. But I swear I wouldn't change a thing and it is more than worth it when I see him smile or scrunch his nose or curl his tongue as he's trying to figure out how to speak or hear him laugh or sing row row row your boat for the umpteenth time because his tummy hurts or rocking him through the night because he has a fever....again the list goes on and on. You see, the same reasons that make motherhood hard are the same reasons it's worth it. The same reasons I live for every day.
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| Open-mouth sleeping is the BEST and yes I rocked him to sleep and yes he's sleeping on my chest instead of in his crib. Like I said, I am that mom. |
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| Finding his toes |
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| He loves all of his cousins |
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| Too cute right?? |
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| First haircut. Thanks again Aunt Janeen! |
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| More cousin love... |
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| He was a bit overwhelmed |
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| Photos by the beautiful Crystal Orr |
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| Tenderness |
Love,
