1:36 AM - No that is not a typo. At 1:36 AM (give or take a few minutes) I wake to the joyous yet painful emptiness in my stomach that is filled with Noah's jabs and kicks, roll out of bed and I make my way downstairs for meal number 1. Because I have morning sickness I can't eat much of anything that is delicious. So I stick with a PB & J (sometimes half sometimes full) and a banana or bowl of cereal. Now keep in mind that before pregnancy I was that individual who ate 5 or 6 smaller meals throughout the day who didn't mind because my metabolism was much faster that way. Only problem is, is that now being pregnant my stomach is still the same size as it was pre-pregnancy only more smushed up into my lungs and therefore doesn't allow much food in at one sitting. So after I choke (and I literally mean choke) that last bite of food down I brush my teeth, drink some water and gag for a couple minutes all the while smiling (a trick my sister shared with me that most times keeps the gag reflexes from turning into the real thing) and lay down in my carefully placed sandwiched pillows where I battle with heartburn for about 20 minutes before I finally fall back asleep.
3:04 AM - 1 hour and 28 minutes later I'm up again to Noah's not so gentle movements and that empty void inside my stomach. Now sure, I can look at this positively and think hey, at least my metabolism hasn't slowed down, but let's be real. That's not going to happen at this point. It's ok if you're laughing. I would be too if it wasn't 3:04 in the morning. So I hobble downstairs for another round of cereal and sandwich, brushing of teeth and heartburn. Oh but wait, something new presents itself. How about a round of drainage in the back of my throat that has a taste that resembles rotten milk and some type of ingredient in bread that makes it smell the way it does on your hand for hours after eating. So I endure an additional round of gagging and forcing the food I worked so hard to get down, well...down. Some where after 3:30 I fall asleep.
5:34 AM - Thank the Lord above I made it past two hours. No really. I have prayer and thank my Heavenly Father for allowing me the little extra sleep. I talk to Noah for a couple and downstairs again I go. This time I can't fathom the thought of cereal and a sandwich or banana so I opt for a corn dog. Completely against my plant-based diet but at this point eating period is more important than what I'm eating so I get it down... barely and pray that the corn dog alone will hold me over for at least an hour. Brush teeth, gag, wrestle with the pillows to get perfectly nestled in bed as I hum a lullaby to lull Noah to sleep...... and then I sneeze. Now for any of you moms out there you will know my pain and frustration here. All bets are off at this point in the pregnancy. So I get out of bed, clean up, change my pants (sorry if that's TMI, but all dignity went out the window the first time I burped in public with no realization that it was even coming) and re-wrestle the pillows in bed, hum another lullaby and eventually fall asleep.
This goes on for the rest of my slumber or lack thereof and well almost every night and all day. On the nights I only wake up once or twice, I literally cry out thanks to the Lord above. This may seem a little dramatic, but listen when you've been doing this for three months, it starts to wear on ya. And sure I know that this is perfect practice for when Noah comes and I have to feed him every two hours, but I hope and pray I can do only that and not have to worry about feeding myself. I would love to just get up to feed him, hold him and love him sans self feedings. I'd give anything for that at this point. So I wake up again at 7:11 AM and again at 9:04 AM and decide to just stay up. The nausea isn't going away anytime soon, so I might as well get up and get the day started. Maybe by staying busy I won't think about how if I never see a corn dog or PB and J again it will be too soon. Wrong again. Between school, lash extensions and other miscellaneous errands, the nausea continues to consume my thoughts and the saliva builds in my mouth and I work so hard all day every day to keep food down so that Noah gets the nourishment he needs. Add in a change of pants and random drainage a couple times a day with all of that and you have got just a glimpse into an average day of my life. Now that you have a decent picture of that I'd like to flip sides and let you in on a little something I've realized in all of this.
All of this craziness?? It's simply preparation. All of these struggles and trying hours in the middle of the night and throughout the day, yes are struggles and yes they have tried me in ways I never thought possible. But they're also simply preparation for what is to come and honestly...that's a gift. Now don't send me to the loony bin just yet, I'll explain. I truly believe that our Heavenly Father has us go through hard times, struggles, trials or whatever else you want to call them, for a reason. It is to allow us to sacrifice our temporary happiness and comfort for someone else's happiness and comfort, sometimes eternal happiness. Every time I struggle to eat, or sleep or sometimes think, is just another opportunity to sacrifice my temporary comfort to allow my sweet little Noah the comfort and nourishment he needs to allow him to become that much stronger. And isn't that what parenting is all about? Sacrificing our lives, ourselves, for our children's happiness, better future and needs? I believe it is. And I'm pretty sure the Lord knows exactly what he's doing by giving me these opportunities now while I prepare for Noah's arrival. It's so I get enough practice of putting my needs aside for my son's so that when he arrives, I'm already living for him. I didn't realize just how selfish I used to be. Well I take that back. I knew I was a bit of a me-monster, but I still tried to serve others as often as I could. But now? I don't know. Something has changed within me and I feel like I have this divine purpose and understanding of God's plan and that I need to put my needs aside so that I can love, nurture, provide and rear Noah so that he has the best chance at happiness in this life that he possibly can.
Now I can't promise that I won't complain (always silently never out loud...don't want Noah to hear the negative comments:]) but I can promise to be thankful and remember that these next 7 weeks are simply weeks of opportunities to prepare myself for motherhood. And let's be honest, how could I not be thankful with a healthy boy growing inside of me?? I'd be nuts not to. So to all you women out there struggling in your pregnancy, remember that theres' a reason for it all. We may not see it yet, or want to, but when we do, it will be magical and all of it will make the journey absolutely worthwhile.
I can't put into words how grateful I am for the amazing blessing it is to be a mom... Noah's mom. But I totally get the cliche now. Parenthood is hard...but it really is worth it.
Cheers to all you mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors and any of you who look after these sweet little spirits. Heavenly Father is aware and grateful for your daily service and sacrifice to put your needs aside to ensure their happiness.
Love,
Liss
You are amazing!
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