First, I'd like to apologize for not getting on recently, posting progress pics and being MIA. An unfortunate turn of events has landed me in bed.
Second, I'd like to vent for a bit if that's alright. As I lay in bed for the sixth day in a row, yes sixth, and endure the pain (and when I say pain I mean the bone-crushing/throbbing/sharp-stabbing/toothache times ten kind of pain) that has taken up residence in my left sinuses/mouth/jaw (not to mention the nausea accompanied by the occasional revisiting of foods I eat earlier in the day), I started to think ok. Melissa you have two options. Give in to the pain and let it rule your life, or accept the pain and continue with your life. I know the latter is the obvious choice, but I just have to say that this is the hardest and most painful thing I've had to go through in my life yet. Not to mention, being a single parent doesn't add to the "fluff", but rather makes it a bit more difficult just having the strength to go downstairs and refill my water or make food. I'm not trying to come off as complaining, but dang it sometimes I don't want to be the strong one. Has anyone ever felt that way? I've tried every remedy known to man (I think) to get rid of this pain but nothing is kicking it for good. It will disappear for a few hours (which I am SO grateful for at this point) but then it's right back. How does something like this take hold of an individual who was being so proactive at being healthy?! I was working out regularly, eating healthy (plant based mostly), taking my prenatals, extra vitamin C and drinking more than a gallon of water a day. I was on top of the world. Now, I can barely find the strength to leave my room. And for anyone who knows me lately, I don't complain often about pain whether it be emotional or physical. I usually just deal with it and move on. The more you think about it and put it "out there" the longer it takes to go away right? Well, I've broken down and I am now voicing my pain. I know pregnancy is hard and many women get sick during pregnancy but this feels like something entirely different. Probably because it's happening to me. Well I have finally hit a wall. I'm not having the perfect pregnancy, or having it super easy. What worries me the most is my sweet son's safety. How do I know he's ok in there? Am I eating enough even though I can't keep everything down? Is he getting enough protein? Is he hurting? Can he feel pain? I've tried not taking any tylenol today to spare him a day without it because I felt like I was poisoning him with all the tylenol I've taken this week. I pray every day, morning and night that he is protected from all this. I pray he's growing healthy and strong and that this Mama can get better so that I can get back to work and make money for the two of us. I just pray he's ok. Please be ok.
Ok, so now that I've complained enough to last me the year, I am going to express gratitude for the things and people in my life who make my life anything BUT hard.
I'm grateful for the gospel and the blessings that I receive every day for living it. I'm grateful for my Savior and His atoning sacrifice so that I may right my wrongs and return to Him with my family one day. I'm grateful for my Grandmother and her strength and amazing example. I'm grateful to my Mom for opening her house to me while I get back on my feet after an unfortunate but for the best situation. I'm grateful for my brother and his wife and kids for always supporting me and brightening my days. I'm grateful for my friends and their kindness. I'm grateful for pain and the opportunity I've had especially recently to learn to appreciate good health. I'm grateful for trials and the strength and wisdom I learn from them. I'm grateful for the opportunity to go to school and have a job so that I can better my financial situation for me and my son. But most of all, above anything else, I am so grateful for my precious son. For his sweet spirit and the joy he brings me. I'm honored to be his mother and I can't wait to meet him. Has this week been the hardest week of my life? Probably, but I know that one day soon I'll look back on it and know that it made me stronger and helped me realize the sacrifices one makes for their child. I will be wiser and more compassionate because of it. As long as I have my son, everything will be ok.
I'm going to get back to resting...or trying to at least...:)
Liss
P.S. If anyone has ever struggled with this kind of advanced sinus infection while pregnant, I would LOVE to hear about how you got through it. I'm desperate for hope at this point....
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